I’m the bitch type. That’s it.
Kidding. Okay let me elaborate that statement in a few number of paragraphs because I’m wordy like that. Lol
Should I start this off by saying I was the perf epitome of Rihanna’s Good girl, gone bad. You can continue reading on my history and childhood in the next sections of this post, you can notice that I was always the academic, angelic type. I excel in school, dress up like a doll, I don’t do any vice, I go home before 6… not until I graduated college, got a job and did a 360 turn.
It’s a common misconception from people who doesn’t know me at all that I am a bitch. Yes. I know. My face is too strong to look like an angel.
Whether you have read Sherry Argov’s book, oh yeah you know what I mean. When it comes to boys, I’m usually the bitch type who NEVER cares about them at all. And for fashion, I know I do because of the skin I usually show every time I dress up. And I’m way too strong to be called soft and feminine. Sometimes I think the only feminine part in me is being fashionable. The rest? Whatever you call it.
For the most questions asked, NO I CURRENTLY DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I don’t even plan to (for now). I only had one boyfriend before and the rest are just… wait, is there even a label for it?
DISCLAIMER: Of course I still want to have a boyfriend soon, not now. And take note: I don’t easily fall in love. BUT, I can be attracted real quick! As long as the guy has a nice beard, pompadour hair, enough fit-to-shirt biceps, correct grammar, what else does a bad boy image has to say? Haha
However when it comes to feelings (which clearly I don’t have lol) these are some additional reasons why I’m single:
1. I’m too good to be played at
2. So many sins I’m still fueled to indulge in, adventures to embark on solo, so many men to date, so many fuck ups to get out of my system
3. There hasn’t someone who has cohesive dreams like mine yet.
4. Is there even a good guy out there?
5. I haven’t met the person who understands where my pain is derived from and accepts the myriad of flaws I can’t help but endlessly bestow upon the world.
6. That ever-dreaded plague: FOMO
7. Given that I am a self-confessed party girl, people like me never aspired to be in a relationship. We already have a life enough not to need any guy anymore.
8. I pride myself on having become sort of a fling master. In fact, I prefer flings to relationships (atm); they require half the effort *wink
9. My full packed sched isn’t gonna work when in a relationship as of the moment.
I’m either working or partying, if not, I’m sleeping. Or else, I will end up hurting you for not giving you my time.
Com’on! The whole point here is I’m still on my 20’s! I don’t wanna waste my youth. I’m still self-destructive and I’m completely fine with it, in fact I’m enjoying it. So settling down is not an option for me as of the moment. Finding a soulmate isn’t my current agenda, I have a career to grow, friends to socialize plus my wild, insatiable adventures are currently my focus.
Don’t get me wrong, of course I’m riddled in a heap of anxiety of what if I will never meet a nice guy anymore because of too much pushing them away. But at the same time I relentlessly fear wasting my precious youth shackled to a partner.
How I wish I had someone in my life to call my own. Like everyone else, I want a partner. Unlike most people, I’m ready for a partner – but I’m still flying solo. I enjoy my solitude from time to time that I’ve grown to appreciate relying on just myself.
But above all these, I am a SERIOUS partner when it comes to relationships. I avoid myself from the wild walls of clubbing, halt binge-drinking, binge-dating, stop showing some skin etc which are all completely opposite to what I’m currently doing. And I’m not willing to give up my life right now, and if you’re the kind of guy who accepts me for who I am then good for you. But guilt is on me.
To start off, there are only four of us in the family. My brother is 16 years younger than me. I know for sure this kinda puzzles everyone but wait lemme explain, I am the eldest, yes. I had a brother when I was 8 and when he was 5 and I was 13, he died because of Aneurysm. Of course those were the worst years my family had endured until my mom got pregnant again when I was 15 and she gave birth just in time when I was about to graduate in high school.
The timing was great since I was about to leave for college (Davao). Not counting the 3 pregnancy miscarriages of my mom before that.
They don’t admit but I assume, I am the strongest (physically) because I had already undergone two surgeries (first when I was 6, second when I was 14) in my both knees with no accidents at all plus I’m always the frequent sicker in the family. Hence, I lived long, still alive and kicking! Lol
My dad is a CPA and my mom is a Commerce graduate so basically our blood line is in the field of business not until I chose the other way around and took up Mass Communication instead.
Through this, my parents had already ran a number of businesses (which most of the time I don’t have any idea about or let’s just say I don’t care?) not including their profession in the office so admittedly, they CAN AFFORD. I need to emphasize those two words because we’re not rich and I am no heiress however at the same time, we’re not that poor. Hence, we can afford. Afford to buy a family car, build a home, send children to a reputable school, go on vacations etc.
But contrary to what everyone else thinks and they often laugh their asses off because they always admit that they’re wrong in thinking that I’m a brat. Hahaha but I’m not, NEVER. I can attest to that.
My can-afford-kind-of-parents never allowed me to get what I want, because it never happened at all. If I want something, I should work hard for it like earning a good class standing, being a good girl at home or if not, might as well save up for it. (Retail therapy bonding never even existed in our family!) So apparently, I grew up still getting what I want but working hard for it.
And believe it or not, it helped me become a better person in the long run. No srsly, I learned the value of work, study, money and everything else that matters. No matter how much I disliked it when I was a kid, God knows how thankful I am right now for having them as a parent, who, for most of time, raised me to be independent.
And since I am already on the track of the word “independent”, let me own that word, loud and proud. Thank God for my dad! (He is the main subject here because my mom just goes through the flow with whatever my dad acts and decides upon raising me) I don’t know if reasons like busy, lazy or man factors affect this but he’s the kind of man that lets me do everything! (i.e. planning for my 16th birthday, debut, my college life, etc) he lets me decide on my own and just hands in some money if needed. He’s not a planner, he’s a financer, perhaps? So I grew up like this, not needing anyone because it had always been me who plans out everything. He’s pushing me to the top without me knowing. He even lets me travel alone (because #nosibling), pushing me to work at an early age as much as I can. (I started earning when I was in primary school as his encoder earning around a hundred a day)
Meanwhile, I partially grew up with my mother’s side including my aunts, uncles and my most beloved grandmother. I call my grandma, “nanay” (in English: mom) and my aunts and uncles in their respective names because I grew up believing they were my sisters and brothers and my grandparents were my real parents.
In lieu of my love-hate relationship towards my parents, I tried to convince myself that regardless of their indifference, there I have my “nanay” and my uncles and aunts to guide me and act as my parents.
Until now, my grandma is my superhero, my inspiration, my mom and dad. I couldn’t thank God enough for providing me not a perfect life, but a good grandma. I wouldn’t know what to do without her. (Call me overreacting but we often cry everytime we communicate lol) Though I never asked for any financial support from her (because duh, she has no source of income except from her monthly pension insurance), she never left me and always makes sure I don’t struggle and I can still eat three times a day. Exactly what I need in this life, not money coz I can earn it anytime and in any way I can. But a guiding support that my parents less or never gave me at all.
People often ask when and how I started my “sewing career” and I can’t believe I’m finally sharing it to you now. *insert giggles here
In connection with my independence towards my parents, there was a time when I was about to have my dance presentation the next morning as part of my final grade in PE during first year high-school. We were all required to wear a formal dress which is basically not yet in my closet during those years! That night before the presentation, you can imagine me panicking while my mom is out and watching a movie. Imagine my desperation digging all of her clothes and I found a long silk maxi dress. I was too desperate that I DIY-ed her skirt and turned it into an instant dress!
From then on, I learned to sew myself something to wear and buying will always be my last option. Now, I’ve made a lot of gowns for special occasions, dresses and everything I want without earning any degree from it.
Meanwhile, I started blogging in 2012 when it suddenly hit me that my passion for fashion and love for writing is actually a why not in terms of being integrated together.
Though, unlike any bloggers, I never earned in my site coz I had less or no knowledge on how to (lol someone help me with this please haha).
I am already happy with the perks I am still receiving until now. Aside from the stride of pride with your big name with a matching .com in the end of it, believe me, it has always been an edge being a blogger as long as you are enjoying what you do and not just after the perks.
Back then, I started receiving sponsor giveaways, sponsored posts, event invites and the such.
Coming from a family of businessmen, I had to risk by facing the struggle of proving myself given that I had taken a different route in my career.
A few number of experiences including these scenarios:
Whining your parents about trials and hardships you endured while in the university and expecting a message of moral support but ended up receiving a “you’re struggling because that’s your choice” kind of reply.
Me: Mom, dad, I achieved/ won something
Them: okay, that’s it?
So it had already dawned on me that it had always been me against the world.
It got used to the fact that my parents had never been supportive to me and I understood them. Until it came to the point where I felt like everything I do has no value.
I don’t really count but these are a few that I have achieved and, in my opinion, the ones that really don’t have anything to do with them so these are just a few my ironic life achievements that sometimes makes me wanna wish I never achieved at all:
1. Too academic when I was a kid (valedictorian, salutatorian, etc) that, in my opinion, raised the standards of my family towards me that instead of appreciating what I’ve done, it became a reason for them to always expect something higher from me.
2. Contrary to my logical family, I am the creative/ artistic one. I have always loved fashion, writing, cooking etc. in which they never had any interest at all so imagine the years proving that my passion doesn’t do harm to anybody. Hence, they always win the argument by asking me its benefits.
3. Being a blogger doesn’t sound so appealing to them. Aside from being a total waste of time and money, it’s pointless simply because it won’t do any contribution to the society
…and many more! Upon receiving countless awards, achievements in my life. I felt that all of those seems nothing at all. Sometimes I can even hear people being proud of me and my usual reaction was like”What? It’s just nothing.”
Not counting the part-time jobs I had before from my dad to any online work I have tried, I had formally (and when I say formal I meant paying taxes, sitting in an office chair, having a cubicle on my own etc) started working as an online English teacher for Japanese students when I was in my senior year in college that enabled me to support myself for more than a year! And until now, I incessantly support myself through the value of work and I’m trying so hard no matter what to prove that I can support myself.
(See how my parents really wants me to be independent that they stopped giving a single centavo the moment they knew that I already had a job. Lol I never told them about my job before but since I’ll be forced to go home in the province during summer if I don’t tell them so I risked saying goodbye to so-called “allowance” when I became a teacher and started earning for myself instead)
I supported my studies, paid my apartment rent, bills and everything!
This time, I felt so free! I felt like everything is already under my control (this sadly includes my budget expenses) so whatever I do, whether good or bad, no one should deprive me against it. Why my parents don’t even give a shit about what I do and I earn and spend for myself so I need no one’s comment regarding to what I do, what I spend and what I’ve become.
-Chinese, Japanese, Spanish blood
-Playgirl when single, stick to one when committed
-Based on my past relationship, I’m faithful. But now, I can’t promise to be faithful hence I’m loyal as fuck. Meanwhile, I don’t expect my partner to be faithful too as long as he’s loyal
-Favorite pet? Any furry tiny pup and a mouse!
-Whenever I pass by Auntie Anne’s, whether I’m hungry or not I’m buying myself a cinnamon pretzel!
-I’m not into singers, I’m more unto DJ’s
-There’s this one name they call me at home. My mom told me I look like a monkey when I was a kid so they all call me “Moklaii” haha
–Something Borrowed is my forever tear-jerking movie of all time! I watched it more than 10x already but still find myself crying.
-In a clingy relationship with vegetables, matcha/ green tea couldn’t last a week or two without them
-I’m patient as fuck. I can wait forever (cheesy)
-I easily forgive and forget. But when I’m tired, I’m done.
-I can give up all food for the sake of diet except bread
-I did ballet when I was a kid, stopped because of my leg surgeries. And now I can’t flex my body huhu I hope it’s not too late to learn how to split again
-High tolerance to heat more than coldness (esp when it comes to sleeping)
-I never had any makeup workshops or tutorials. Every ounce of my knowledge came from Youtube!
-I can sleep all day
-I can be awake all day too
-I love keeping my hands busy
-I play Mortal Kombat until now
-Persian cuisine > Chinese cuisine
-I don’t hate haters, I love them! Most certain than not, they always make me famous.
-Asian beauty is contrary to my attraction standards but I always end up dating with a chinito 90% of the time
For additional facts:
You can ask me anything here